one word has produced more unhappiness than any other word in the english language.
what’s this sinister word?
“when”
when i get that promotion, then i’ll have enough
when i’m on vacation, then i’ll be able to relax
when i lose ten pounds, then i'll feel confident
///
sound familiar?
of course, you don’t actually say these things aloud.
but pause long enough to take notice of the roommate in your head and you’ll hear these scripts playing non-stop.
///
here’s the thing—
“when” has a dirty little secret no one ever told you…
it never arrives.
always one step ahead. just around the corner.
sleepwalking through the seasons
your life is made up of seasons.
earlier seasons are defined by an abundance of time, shortage of disposable income, few responsibilities and a body seemingly impervious to hangovers.
later seasons bring more money, less time, and greater responsibilities. the prospect of crashing on a friend’s couch goes from ‘fun slumber party’ to worries of terrible sleep and an upset oura ring.
///
one season is not necessarily better than another, but each has unique attributes.
a life well lived means leaning into what each season offers.
it’s why backpacking through asia when you’re 35 and well-off will be a completely different experience from when you’re 20 and dead broke.
14-person hostel room? no thanks, i’ll take the ritz.
///
the issue with “when” is it’s all about the next season.
the season in which you’ll finally __[dream outcome]__.
so you delay gratification a bit longer.
then you enter that season.
at last!
except…
well, this season is good and all, but you still don’t have the brad pitt fight club abs.
no worries, those are just around the corner
with enough effort and delayed gratification (it’s official, ben and jerry’s is banned from the crib) you’ll have the abs, followed by the #babe, and finally, the respect you deserve.
right?
delaying gratification at the extreme end means no gratification.
- bill perkins
see, we make two fundamental errors:
believing there is a destination (when)
& that the answer to our unhappiness is more
i make myself rich, by making my wants few.
- thoreau
is this enough?
we’re terrible judges of what’s “enough”.
but it’s no fault of our own — no one ever told us:
enough is relative.
take income:
what’s your number? (a common question amongst the neurodivergent silicon valley set)
or, in human speak — how much $$$ is enough for you?
///
let’s say you’ve run the calculations.
turns out your number is $12 million.
through a lotta sweat and skipped vacations, you finally arrive.
yasssss.
but wait. you miscalculated.
$12m isn’t really your number.
see, you forgot to account for the netjets subscription and live-in-chef.
no, your number is actually $24m. then you’ll be set…
most will keep playing this game.
thinking the next goalpost will be the one.
///
spoiler alert: your enough number will always be 2x+ whatever you currently have.
///
“a wealthy man is one who earns $100 a year more than his wife's sister's husband.”
― h. l. mencken
see, it’s all relative.
a final note
having stuff isn’t fun.
but getting stuff is.
in other words ~enjoy the ride~
stop and smell the flowers this season brings.
and scratch “when” from your vocabulary.
-t
Good stuff!