how i squashed my deepest fear with a 3 letter word and a notes doc
take a second
think about what you want to get out of the next 12 months. now— take those goals and intentions and roll them into one word… great, that’s your word of the year
for the last 2 years I've done this — both with miraculous (by my calculation) results.
but intention isn’t enough.
to impact real behavior change, you need some secret sauce…
enter: the evidence doc
changing your behavior is absurdly difficult.
most folk think it’s impossible.
“i am the way i am.”
bullshit.
but wanting to change your behavior isn’t enough.
you need to prove to yourself that you’re capable of doing so.
how?
by collecting evidence
every action you take is a vote for the type of person you wish to become.
james clear
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we all have scripts playing continuously in our heads about who we are. they’re repeated so often that you’re *actually* unable to distinguish between fact and fiction (the illusory truth effect).
dismantling these scripts is tough. but you can do it. with enough evidence.
one of the scripts i told myself was:
i’m not good at approaching strangers.
when i say strangers, i really mean women. but saying “approaching women” yields a heavy dose of ick. with good reason.
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okay — back to word of the year.
this year i chose: N O W
historically i've been heavy on planning, light on execution.
N O W would be the antidote.
no more planning. just executing.
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there were 3 areas i had in mind:
putting out creative work consistently: 100 day challenge
improve storytelling
approaching strangers (read: women)
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the first two were straightforward. the third — less so.
i needed a better system.
i needed to build confidence. or so i thought.
don’t build confidence. build evidence. confidence comes as a result of evidence. not the other way around.
alex hormozi
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what i actually needed was to build evidence.
evidence of what?
evidence of the fact that i’m a bold person.
how does one collect evidence? by doing.
but doing is a scary thing.
so let’s get you juiced up with motivation.
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establish the stakes
what happens if i don’t make this behavior change?
what does my life look like in 5, 10, 20 years?
for me it was: i’d settle for a partner i wasn’t happy with and at age 43 i’d be saddled with 2 kids, a divorce and a midlife crisis porsche 911.
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ok, you’ve got your word of the year. and you’ve established the stakes for what happens if you don’t see it through. you just need one more thing.
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the secret sauce:
step 1: fire up the notes doc
step 2: title it: i am someone who _______ (insert desired behavior)
step 3: start collecting evidence (big and small)
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as someone who didn’t consider themselves bold, i had to start small.
asking the lady at starbs if my coffee is on its way (after waiting 10 minutes)
see — small
telling a swaggy frenchman that his fit was FIIIIIRE
chatting up the store clerk and letting them teach me a few words in french (“a tot” — see you!)
going to a brasserie solo, ordering in french and people watching
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that then progressed to more bold actions…
asking a coffee shop QT for her number
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so, am i 100% bold all the time? definitely not. but i’ve made tangible progress. and i’ll continue to collect evidence of the fact.
but tadzio, i’m already insanely bold. i’ve got balls the size of an elephant’s.
that’s great, dearest reader. but you probably have something you want to work on (if not, it might be time for therapy).
fortunately, this practice is applicable to so much more than boldness. in fact, i’ve already put it into action for my 2024 word of the year — one that might seem at odds with bold.
more on that another time.
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here’s the recipe once more:
choose your word of the year
start a notes doc titled “i am someone who ______”
start collecting evidence — if you’re not updating it daily then you’ve set your sights too high and need to start building momentum by noting small wins.
that’s it for the week. chat soon.
-t
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btw — since i’m using you to hold me accountable to write each week, i’m happy to return the favor if you wanna tell me your word of the year and name of your evidence doc. replying to this email should go to my inbox.