the surrender experiment
READ TIME: 6 min | there's more to surrender than meets the eye
surrender
that word always gave me the ick.
it felt weak. like giving up any sense of personal agency.
you mean… you’re just going to bank on ~the universe~ to arrange the perfect life for you, like a cosmic personal assistant?
good luck, pal.
just my understanding of surrender was incomplete.
i missed one detail.
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surrendering is really about betting on yourself.
it’s like an alley-oop.
the universe is going to set you up.
but you gotta be the one to lay down the dunk.
knowing that when an opportunity presents itself, you’ll rise to the occasion is called high-agency.
universe 🤝 high-agency-you = positive outcome
what’s the opposite of high-agency?
low-agency.
& it looks like this:
stressing about some future event, feeling as though unless you plan every detail, you’ll be doomed to fail.
know anyone like that?
i do.
me.
“rigid” is how my sister described me.
she meant it as an insult.
but i thought it was an asset.
it got me where i am.
now i’m less sure.
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what got you here won’t get you there.
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to be clear — it was an asset at times.
but it stopped serving me a while ago.
with 3 months left in the year, i decided i had squeezed all the juice out of 2023’s word of the year (NOW).
it was time to switch gears.
without letting my foot off the gas.
i wanted to take a more playful approach to life.
counterintuitively, i suspected that infusing more play into my life would actually make me more effective.
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trying to integrate more play into my life isn’t anything new.
i’ve been at it for years.
i even came up with a weekly practice called serendipitous saturdays:
i was living my life as a running to-do list.
this was supposed to be the antidote.
& it worked, sometimes.
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after doing it for 3 years, on and off, i needed a better strategy.
turns out trying too hard to play actually does the opposite.
enter: surrender
i’m not sure why this time it clicked.
maybe i was ready for it.
maybe it was those mini-mantras i practiced in paris.
or was it that sunrise hike to the pyramids above tepoztlán?
where, strapped with michael singer’s surrender experiment (audiobook) and a couple chocolates, i set my intention for the new word of the year…
no, that probably wasn’t it.
buttt, it definitely didn’t hurt.
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on that hike, however, i heard something that resonated.
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i had hear it before.
but this time it buried its way into my being.
huffing and puffing as i scrambled up a 78 degree incline
michael singer dropped this nugget—
next time you face a challenge, ask yourself:
is this an opportunity for surrender or is action required?
the framing is KEY
is this an opportunity?
it’s not a burden you must carry, but rather something positive. a gift even.
or is action required?
we’re not letting life just happen to us. there will be times when action is required (high-agency).
like when that jerk stole your eraser collection in elementary school (s/o ms. klankie for repossessing them after i tattled on his ass)
sounds pretty hippy-dippy so far, huh?
it’s actually the most pragmatic thing you can do from a business perspective.
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maybe you’ve heard the negotiating adage:
he who cares the least wins
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here’s an example from the other day:
i’m in the market for a new macbook and iphone.
but i’m not gunna buy em from the apple store like some chump.
no, i’m gunna find the best bargain.
then negotiate an even sweeter deal.
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see, back in high school i used to flip macbooks.
it gave me a rush.
when i’d find a deal, it would consume me.
like a fever taking hold.
i had to have it.
if i don’t close this deal, i might never see another deal like it again.
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there was an urgency to it.
in the days and hours leading up to the deal, i’d be gripped with fear that they’d flake and i’d lose my big chahuna.
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so when i happened across a screamin’ deal on a macbook and an iphone, that familiar rush was back.
hello old friend.
except this time was different.
i didn’t care if i closed these deals.
the urgency was gone.
🏳️🏳️🏳️
if i missed these deals, others would come around (+1 universe).
or i’d negotiate (+1 high-agency) my way to another good deal.
i really didn’t care.
so lowballed the shit out of them.
and… they took the deal.
both of them.
so now i have a new macbook and iphone.
and you know what?
i feel empty inside.
shockingly, i didn’t transform into the swaggy productivity superhero that the apple ads would have you believe.
but i’m getting off track.
this piece isn’t about the genius of apple’s marketing.
it’s about surrendering.
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so, i got (2) fantastic deals and i wasn’t in knots leading up to the transactions.
+3 points for surrender
silly example, i know.
but these little situations are what make up a life.
if you could reduce their stress by 25%, wouldn’t that be great?
life, but with 25% less stress.
sign me up, fam.
🏳️🏳️🏳️
in issue 001 i mentioned the evidence doc.
that has played a critical role here.
any time i feel tension arise in my body, i take note of it and its cause.
then, almost without fail, the situation resolves itself within 24 hours.
important: once resolved, update your initial note to include the result.
once you start tracking these, you realize these stressors almost always resolve themselves.
oftentimes leaving you better off.
but until you start doing this, you won’t realize how many times it works out in your favor.
i am a very old man and suffered many misfortunes, most of them never happened.
mark twain
unfortunately, this isn’t a one-and-done.
i still have to remind myself to surrender daily.
(it’s written on my hand rn bc i’ve been slipping)
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like all hacks, the mini-mantra trick will eventually lose its effectiveness and i’ll have to come up with another.
that’s just the game.
maybe surrender isn’t your word.
it wouldn’t have worked for me a year ago.
but the principle remains.
let go to get ahead.
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to find your word, i’d recommend trying mini-mantras, writing one on your hand each day.
see what resonates with you.
that’s it for the week.
talk soon,
-tadz