the hushed whispers of new york
i didn't like what i heard.
i first heard it as i stepped out of my uber.
the next day i heard it again, walking down 7th ave.
the same few words, repeated in hushed tones all over new york.
hey you, ya you — you’re poor. you should make more money.
yo wtf.
confused (and a bit self-conscious) i searched high and low for the culprit, but came up empty-handed.
yet, the voice persisted.
it was the city itself, whispering to me at every turn.
in a place where it costs $50 just to step outside your ($4k/mo) apartment, i suppose it shouldn’t be a surprise.
back in 2008, paul graham wrote about this phenomenon: cities and ambition — each city whispers quietly in your ear, pushing a different insecurity (cambridge — you’re not smart enough, DC — you’re not powerful enough, LA — you’re not famous enough).
today, amidst this tariff nonsense, bleak economic outlook and AI overlords looming on the horizon—new york’s flavor of whisper is beginning to sound more like a dull roar.
scarcity brain
as a child of an immigrant, i know it well.
although i was fortunate enough to never have to wonder where my next (polish) meal would come from, scarcity brain runs deep in my psyche.
it’s probably why i obsessively try to maximize every facet of my life.
and to be fair, it’s not without its upsides.
my friends, for one, benefit greatly when i inevitably assume the role of travel dom, architecting the perfect itinerary for my beloved travel subs.
but it has diminishing returns and i often wish i could do without.
arriving in new york, i felt scarcity brain rearing its ugly little head once again.
i had to nip it in the bud.
but how?
language reveals a lot about a culture
the germans have a word that (surprisingly) doesn’t exist in english:
schadenfreude
pleasure derived from another's misfortune.
we all know people who thrive on this.
and unless you’re an absolute saint, you’ve been that person at some point.
i certainly have.
but schadenfreude has a long lost cousin that doesn’t get much airtime.
i first heard it waiting for my uber at jfk.
mitfreude
it’s the inverse of schadenfreude.
pleasure derived from another’s good fortune.
immediately, i jotted it down.
it gets at the essence of what joy arbitrage aspires to.
there’s one question i’ve asked just about everyone i’ve spoken with in the last 5 years…
what’s your word of the year?
take all your goals and intentions for the year, roll them up into one word — that’s your word of the year.
it’s still my favorite question, but recently, i’ve added a new layer:
the monthly manifesto.
once your word of the year is set, chunk it down into smaller parts.
but don’t plan it all at once.
instead, choose your word for the upcoming month just before it begins.
as it happened, i was entering a new month — march.
and just like that… i had my word for the month:
january was jumpstart january.
february was frieze february.
march would be mitfreude march.
what exactly is mitfreude march?
two things.
the first: create more value than i capture.
scarcity brain screams at you to capture all the value you can, because it believes we live in a zero-sum world.
for me to get mine, someone needs to take the hit and it’s not gonna be me.
it’s an ugly outlook.
but many of us slip into it given the right (or rather, wrong) conditions. considering our current climate, i suspect we’ll see more of it.
fortunately, i have friends who live by the opposite principle—my pal kish is one. he is a prolific connector, always asking how he can help, never what he’ll get out of it.
for march, i decided to embrace the kish approach: create as much value for others, regardless of personal benefit.
the second: find joy in the happiness of total strangers.
what gets measured, gets managed.
also, i have a brain that likes to see number go up.
so naturally, i created a points system:
+2 points for a happy dog
+2 points for every smile i spot
+3 points for a couple holding hands
+5 points for an affectionate elderly couple
+7 points for a smile exchanged with a stranger
→ the list goes on, a mother playing with their child, etc.
each time i spot a moment of joy, i tally it up:
happy pup?
“plus twooo” (matthew mcconaughey voice a la “greenliggght”)
now, i don’t actually keep a total of the points scored across the day, but if you’re the type to enjoy that type of accounting, go for it.
the point is to attune yourself to the little moments of joy unfolding all around you—and score a lil win as you take part in their good fortune.
it’s april now, and i have a new word for the month, but mitfreude points has stuck—at least for the time being.
you don’t necessarily need to change your circumstances; often, it’s enough to simply adjust your attention.
this city won’t stop whispering, no matter how high you climb in the economic ladder (if anything, it’ll intensify).
so, while you dutifully set about improving your economic standing, you might as well work on enhancing your psychological one as well.
hope you have a lovely day, full of joy—whether your own or the kind you draft off others.
til next time,
-t
tadzio all your articles are 🤌🏼🤌🏼🤌🏼
what do you think berlin whispers