find your 2%ers

then do life with them

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this introvert vs. extrovert thing.

i think we’ve got it all wrong.

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today, most folks understand it’s not a question of one’s social skills, but rather of where you draw your energy from.

extroverts get energy from being around others.

introverts need time alone to recharge.

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at the core of extroversion vs. introversion is energy.

…& what i’ve realized is that 98% of people drain my energy.

sounds dramatic, but it’s true. i walk away from an interaction with a bit less energy than i came into it with.

you could say i’m introverted with 98% of people.

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how about the other 2%?

oh boy!

gets me stoked just thinking about them.

these folk give me so much energy, i could run through a BRICK WALL.

they LIGHT. ME. UP!

i call them my 2%ers.

and i’ve made it my life’s mission to seek out as many of these people as possible.

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caveat: i’m not saying 98% of people suck. they’re just not my people. it has nothing to do with their value as a person. it’s purely about the chemistry (or lack thereof) that’s created when we interact.

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85 years

that’s the length of the longest-running study conducted on happiness.

the good folks at harvard crunched the numbers and came away with one key finding:

the greatest predictor of happiness, health, and lifespan is…

the quality of your relationships

so finding your 2%ers should be of high priority.

but that’s not enough.

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there’s an interview i heard that might contain the secret to life.

a businessman who built a company with his brother is asked,

so, working with family… what’s that like?

*scoffs*

hah, are you kidding?

it’s the best.

i mean, don’t get me wrong — there are challenges, but i wouldn’t have it any other way.

the way i see it — the secret to life is:

1. find people you love

2. then do life with them

find people you love (your 2%ers), then do life with them.

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how do i find these 2%ers you speak of?

wish i could tell you.

for one, your 2%ers will look different from mine.

they might not even be 2%ers. maybe you’re lucky enough to get energy from a greater portion of the population than i do. 5%ers, 10%ers, or if you’re a full-blown extrovert — 100%ers.

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but here are a few observations i’ve found for myself…

• nyc has the highest density of my 2%ers

  • no, you don’t need to move to nyc. but know that your 2%ers will not be evenly distributed.

    • after 5 days in miami, let me tell ya — its 2%er pickings are slim.

• embrace friend pruning

  • if your life is occupied with non-2%ers relationships, you won’t seek out and cultivate relations with those special few.

    • worse, because those relationships don’t feed you in the same way a 2%er relationship does, you might think you’re more introverted than you actually are. leading to more time alone, which in excess, will lead to loneliness (been there).

• 2%ers aren’t always the most available folk

  • especially in the beginning of the relationship, you may have to be more intentional about carving out time with them.

  • it’s also a numbers game — based on the 2% figure i’ve given, there are 49 times as many non-2%ers as there are 2%ers.

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how about the other half — the doing life with them part?

honestly, i’m still figuring it out.

since many of your waking hours are spent working, if you can work with a 2%er, that’s ideal.

running lobster club is at least 33% more fun because i get to do it with maja.

but that’s not always possible.

no worries — your life (hopefully) extends beyond just work.

make 2 lists: activities you enjoy and the names of your 2%ers. now play matchmaker.

tip: schedule these as recurring activities so they’re already locked into your calendar. if you have to schedule it every week, you’ll inevitably fall off.

• monday dinner at mine

• birding with the fellas

• sunday hike

• weekly facetime debrief

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bonus: i’m notoriously bad about calling my people, but this nugget from greg isenberg has helped:

how to stay in touch

make a list of 10 people who you often forget to keep in touch with but care about

add them as fav contacts

call them when you’re walking to places. try not to drive places that are less than 15 mins walking distance

use that time to call 'em

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that’s all for today. chat soon.

xo,

-t

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